There has been so much shit flying around, its ridiculous.
1. My parents decided, since I've been so down lately, that it might be best if I finished school in Seattle. I was told this on Tuesday night and I was gone by that Sunday. I can't believe that my parents made me move HALF WAY through my senior year! But they said that it was "for the best" and I give all my faith into the hands of my parents, and if they say it will help me, then I will accept it and go with it. As much as I REALLY didn't want to leave, there was nothing I could do about it. The good that will come of these decisions will be fantastic and hopefully help me to further understand myself, etc.
2. My moms best friend came up to me, while I was in bed chatting with a gay friend, and decided to bombard me with questions. She told me that it was okay for me to tell her anything and how she would never tell my parents and blahh blahh blahh... Then she started asking me if I knew why I had been so depressed recently and I instantly made up this total bullshit story about a girl and grades. That didn't stop her. The second she said "I think I know what's been messing with your life," I almost shit my pants. Was she really going to assume and ask me if I was gay?? I barely even know this lady! Why the FUCK would I come out to her?! Anywho... she said that she's seen this pattern before (yeah, I'm not stupid) and that she thinks I might be gay. I just denied it and gave good examples of why I was straight. I hate lying about this, but really? Is it any of your fucking business? Why the hell would I tell you if I'm gay? Seriously. So after our "heart to heart" she left and I went back to chatting. I feel really heartless for saying it like this, but I know that me being gay and not telling anybody is why I've been acting the way I've been. Blogging is my way of coming out, one step at a time.
3. Saying Goodbye. That pretty much sums that up.
4. Beginning Anew. I know that by being here I will stay much more focused with my academics and it gives me a chance to start out... OUT. kinda. I'm not sure if I want to do that, yet. If not, there's still college, right? So this is school number 14. Lets hope I can pull myself together and not fuck this one up. :)
Thank You guys who commented my other posts. All commentary is greatly appreciated and taken note of. You guys are some of my only connections to the "Real World," one that You can be You and don't have to worry about anything. I want that, and one day I'll have the guts to do what I need to do to achieve it. But for now, I'm just gonna stick to this.
Until Then,
-- DL
6 comments:
Re #2
I really hate it when ppl that you're not that close to think they can help you or "understand you". Her intentions were good, but she shouldn't have pushed it when you clearly didn't want to talk about it with her.
Good luck with the new school!
Hey... welcome to blog-land. You'll eventually find your way to linking up with the kind of blogs you want to read, and find a whole entire community of caring and supportive folks out there.
Feel free to check out my blog:
sethboyardee.blogspot.com,
- don't forget to "follow" me LOL. I've got links to a whole bunch of great bloggers - teens, college kids, etc, who are going through some of the same things you are or will be dealing with in your life. You'll find advice, humor, sadness, pain, happiness, and tons of stuff on these blogs. (And pictures of cute twinks!!) lol.
Anyway - a few quick pointers about blogging.
1) use Labels/Tags. It will make it MUCH easier in the future to find topics you were posting about like "school" "mom" "birthday" etc.
2. when you reference something, but don't feel like explaining or blogging about it right then, write it down (save a little text file on your computer or notes or however) - that way you can go back every so often and say "oh, gee, I mentioned this but I never explained it" - and find MORE things to blog about!!
3. Do try and give some simple explanation. You mentioned something about "school number 14" - what did you mean? I went through alot of schools in my life, so its something i probably understand.
4. eventually consider doing an "about me" post, and putting a permanent link to it in your sidebar. That way new readers can pick up basic details "J, hes x years old, lives here, goes there, works in this field, thinks he has orange hair, loves cats, hates chocolate...." you get the idea, then people can more easily follow along with your blog. Especially when you have accumulated alot of posts, people won't go back and read everything, so its always nice to be able to jump in wherever.
5. comment on others blogs - i love comments!! - with your link it will help build up your visitors, and help you connect with more people.
6. you might want to consider adding a "visit counter" - i don't know how much of a computer person you are, but i've got an email i can forward that i sent to someone with instructions - very simple - just ask me.
7. don't be afraid to share things, or not share things. Its YOUR blog, your life - people will read and share your experiences, but you dont ever have to be pressured into posting something in particular.
8. Be CONCISE. As you can tell, I am not, and I tend to ramble. LOL.
The more "organized" you are, the easier it will be when you have 900 posts and can't for the life of you find that one thing you need to reference. LOL.
Anyway - again, welcome to blog-land, check out my blog, i'm now following yours, and best wishes!!
seth
:)
Starting over in a new place/job/school ended up being the perfect time for me to be out there and then figure out how to carry that back to the few people I knew before that I wanted to keep up with.
seth has good advice!!!
I just started reading here... selected tags...
hang in there
steevo in cali
That seems like a pretty drastic remedy for a problem your parents don't understand.
But then, maybe your mom sent her friend because mom suspected and thought friend could worm it out of you. Or maybe the friend took it on herself. I had a similar situation one Friday evening when folks' friends were visiting and the wife came and told me I shouldn't be sitting at home alone on Friday evening. And I knew why I was, but I wasn't about to tell her.
Anyway, I think they mean well and are just trying to be helpful. Too bad it's wrong time, wrong place, wrong person. So their efforts don't help.
I do hope that a new setting will enable you to be more comfortable.
3. I hate saying goodbyes.
4. I love fresh starts. I love the excitement of discovering something new, a chance to "redeem" myself where I may have failed before, and a chance to experience new things. Sometimes it's the beginning of books and movies that most matter to me.
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