They Say...

They say you learn something new everyday, right? 

Well, I recently discovered from 'Coffee' guy that there are different names for different types of Tie formations. Like a suit and a tie, tie. Get it? 

Haha! So he told me that the way I tie Ties is called the 'Prince Albert' tie. Ohhh... funny. Haha

So yeah, Every time I go to work, I sport a stylish Prince Albert for everyone to see. =D

Ohh. I crack myself up

Breathe Me -- Sia

I cannot get this song out of my head!

Such a great song! My favorite part is the major Cello action at about 4:30. Wow.

Sia sure does look crazy, but her voice is fantastic. 

By the way...

Happy Holidays Everyone :)

Whoops..

I just got off the phone with 'coffee date' and he said he has been in bed sick for the past couple days... oops... haha hope I didn't give him my cold. 

Anywho, more postings to follow later. I wanted to go over some things that I addressed in the previous post.

Until Then,

DL

Some Type of Meltdown

You would think that by me moving and having more time to myself, I would be able to focus and clear my mind. Wrong, so wrong. Instead, I just get more time to dwell on my thoughts and continue to feel sorry for myself. I fucking HATE me. 

I need some type of help, because I know that there's NOTHING I can do to stop feeling this way. I hate it. I thought (especially after yesterday) that I was done feeling the way I do, but I guess I just lied to myself... again. Every little thing has been setting me off today... I thought I was happy again. I was feeling truthful again. Now I just feel fucking stupid. 

Yesterday, I tried to come out to someone... 

That blew up in my face. :(

I don't think I've cried that hard in a long time... and still crying...

It helps to have someone to talk to about it... (thank you, btw) but I don't like throwing my emotions onto other people. UGH, I'm doing it now, I know. But I don't know where else to go. I can't talk about this to anyone in person... 

Nothing I can do. I thought that being here would help me. 

But now I don't want to be here... 

No, I refuse to see anybody about my "problem" because I'm embarrassed... and I'm ashamed. 

How I'm going to deal with this, I have no idea. As of right now, I have a giant lump of depression in my throat and I can't swallow it. 

If I don't write back for a few days, it's because I'm to pissed to put my feelings into words. 

Not to sound dumb or anything, but I can't believe how bad it hurts to deal with this.

Snow

Seems to be a heated topic right now on the West Coast!

(pun intended)

Sooo... like any other person that hardly EVER gets to experience a "true winter," I took some pictures! 

Hope they are to your liking :)

Also... they're WAY to big. I know, but I already resized them and I don't feel like doing it again. Hahaha 

If somebody knows a faster way to resize all of your pictures, please let me know.

I love coffee...

My coffee date went amazing! Good thing I had the house to myself tonight! haha

Great night, looking forward to this weekend. =)

First Day at the New School

I can't even describe this place. Really neat campus, covered in snow this freezing cold morning.

It feels good to be the new guy. All eyes on me :P

See...

In a previous post, "The Good and The Bad," I quickly said this was my 14th school. My family moves... frequently. It's normal to move maybe twice or three times per school year. We try to stay in the same city, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. I have absolutely no control over where we move, and I've come to accept that. I've lived in California for most of my life, but have lived in Vegas, Seattle, and Iowa. 

I'm happy that my parents decided to make me start over in a new place, yet sad that they made me leave at such a crucial point in my life. I'm a senior in High School and I'm trying to set up my life. They know that I'm having difficulties, but I refuse to let them in. I can't tell them that the reason I've been acting so different lately is because I want to be myself. But I can't. :/ ugh. 

No more moving for me. At least, not until I move to the campus for college. 

Anywho... it's so cold here! Currently 24 degrees! Someone come and keep me warm =)

Looking forward to the snow on Wednesday night! The mountains are COVERED with powder! Skiing next week probably! 

OH! I met someone yesterday... he's really handsome and really nice. Coffee plans later this week. Lets see how it goes :)

Until My Next Random Thought,

DL

Great...

Now I'm the bad guy. Just when I thought I could be honest with myself and the people I care about...

I feel so stupid, and so ashamed. But you can't be a hypocrite. 

I'm braking rules... but not in the way that you would think.

Stuck. Great.

Fuck

Chinga Mi Vida

The Good and The Bad

So, it has been 11 days since my last blog-fession. *a word??

There has been so much shit flying around, its ridiculous. 

1. My parents decided, since I've been so down lately, that it might be best if I finished school in Seattle. I was told this on Tuesday night and I was gone by that Sunday. I can't believe that my parents made me move HALF WAY through my senior year! But they said that it was "for the best" and I give all my faith into the hands of my parents, and if they say it will help me, then I will accept it and go with it. As much as I REALLY didn't want to leave, there was nothing I could do about it.  The good that will come of these decisions will be fantastic and hopefully help me to further understand myself, etc. 

2. My moms best friend came up to me, while I was in bed chatting with a gay friend, and decided to bombard me with questions. She told me that it was okay for me to tell her anything and how she would never tell my parents and blahh blahh blahh... Then she started asking me if I knew why I had been so depressed recently and I instantly made up this total bullshit story about a girl and grades. That didn't stop her. The second she said "I think I know what's been messing with your life," I almost shit my pants. Was she really going to assume and ask me if I was gay?? I barely even know this lady! Why the FUCK would I come out to her?! Anywho... she said that she's seen this pattern before (yeah, I'm not stupid) and that she thinks I might be gay. I just denied it and gave good examples of why I was straight. I hate lying about this, but really? Is it any of your fucking business? Why the hell would I tell you if I'm gay? Seriously. So after our "heart to heart" she left and I went back to chatting. I feel really heartless for saying it like this, but I know that me being gay and not telling anybody is why I've been acting the way I've been. Blogging is my way of coming out, one step at a time.

3. Saying Goodbye. That pretty much sums that up.

4. Beginning Anew. I know that by being here I will stay much more focused with my academics and it gives me a chance to start out... OUT. kinda. I'm not sure if I want to do that, yet. If not, there's still college, right? So this is school number 14. Lets hope I can pull myself together and not fuck this one up. :)

Thank You guys who commented my other posts. All commentary is greatly appreciated and taken note of. You guys are some of my only connections to the "Real World," one that You can be You and don't have to worry about anything. I want that, and one day I'll have the guts to do what I need to do to achieve it. But for now, I'm just gonna stick to this.

Until Then,

-- DL