I Give Up

I give up on trying to hang out with my dad.


I wanted to hang out with my dad last night so I told my work I couldn't come in. I called my dad at about 5 and told him that I was available to hang out. He has meetings every monday and tuesday night and every thursday my little sister comes and stays with me and my dad until sunday. I figured that this would be the one night of the week that we could hang out, just us. 

So I called and left him a message saying that I don't work and we should hang out. He came home at 11 pm and said "I just got your message, sorry man." So I shrugged it off and went to bed. Then about an hour ago, he came home without my little sister and I asked him what time he's going to go get her. He said "oh, she's gonna hang out with her mom tonight." I told him that I don't work and that we should hang out. He said he was going to go pick up his "friend" (this gal, I think they're dating but he doesn't tell me shit so I wouldn't know) and he can't hang out with me tonight. 

That means that starting tomorrow he's going to be busy giving my little sister everything she wants until sunday then he has meetings on monday and tuesday then MAYBE he can schedule in some time for me.

It feels like I have a lump in the middle of my throat. This sucks. 

Don't Worry...

I've been trying really hard NOT to care what other people think about me, but today was a little different.

At lunch I was walking to the bus and a car pulled up to me and rolled down its window. Inside were some of the people in my ASB class and the girl shouted out the window "HEY ____! Get in, we're going to lunch!" and I said "ohh... sorry... I can't. I have to get home. But maybe next time!"

The reason I told them no was because I didn't want them to know that I didn't have any money for lunch, I didn't want them to know that tomorrow is my last day at this school and I have to attend an alternative high school because I'm suddenly fucking up in school, I didn't want them to think of me as one of  THOSE guys. 

I feel so stupid because I shouldn't care what other people think about me, and I did and still do. 

Its hard not to care. 

Other then that, my day went pretty good. Lets hope the rest of the day is better.